When Pops Died

When Pops died, I didn’t cry/ I didn’t know him that well/ he sent me some money on Christmas and birthdays, but I hadn’t seen him since I was 12/ Now I’m 19, and not likely to front/Pops died driving drunk/crashed his brand new truck/ meanwhile, I got two bullshit jobs/ and my life is fucked/Wendy’s and Burger King, one pair of work jeans/hurting/and to keep it real, I’m not sad/ At the same time, my older brother was raised by dad/ but what makes me mad/is that when I turned 16, I got a card with $500 inside/while he got a car and a party and I wasn’t invited/ I’m the secret child we separated by 300 miles/but we both David’s child, he’s Devin and I’m Miles/ I never been wild, but from how I know him, Devin he a loose cannon/Only two years older than me you should see the money he handling/I’m not just talking his posts on Instagram and Facebook/He is the MAN, meanwhile I’m trying to teach Tank to cook/Tank is my little brother, 11 and he fuss a lot/ Mom doing a double at the restaurant/she waitress and receive tips… I get Tank sent off to school and do dishes.
Shit so crazy, I’m devastated, distraught and depressed/ Pops gone now shit is a mess/hard to keep going but I’m doing my best/It’s been just me and Pops since my mom’s death/a couple years ago cancer took her last breath/once she died Pops got to hustling extra hard/I got to hustling extra hard as well and we bought matching cars/just me and him we ain’t need no squad, all cash no Visa card/ Now he’s gone and I realize my reach ain’t that long/ Cause niggaz ain’t returning my calls since the street heard David gone/ No shoulder to lean on/to cry, I drink and drive/ don’t know what to think inside/ I’m 21 and alone, dry ass phone, fly ass home/but without Pops I don’t even want to go on/ Tomorrow is the funeral but then what’s next?/I don’t even know where Pops keeps the drugs and never met the connect/and his phone was destroyed in the accident/went to Pops’ crib and someone had broken in and crashed the shit/ I had keys to all of his whips/I searched all three and ain’t find shit.
I got a lot of bitches cause of my cash flow/but no homies cause I’m an arrogant asshole/Which is accepted when your Pops is the plug/But not he’s gone and the streets aren’t showing any love/I know exactly what my worth is, and I carry it all in my pockets/34k and 4 ounces, I roll down my window and pour Remy out it.
Funeral flow/ Momma finally convinced me I should go/ I put on my only suit and took three buses, now I’m here for the show/ Coming through the parking lot I felt the weight of my world on my shoulders/ Parking lot full of foreign cars plus a red Range Rover/that’s Devin’s truck/I recognize it from Instagram, plus his name is on it…I walk in and everyone turns when the door shuts.
I turn around and there goes Miles, looking like a little me/ with a too small suit and beat up Nikes/I ain’t even call him about Pops funeral and I guess that was wrong of me/He has grown since the last time I seen him and now he is taller than me/he walked down the aisle and we hugged, it was fake to me/Pops death dug a hole in my heart, and there is no vacancy/walked over he looks over to the casket/ I moved out his way, I had my time I’ll let him have it…
It felt like fake love, smelled like weed and cologne/church was practically packed yet I feel all alone/ Walked to Pops casket on my own/poker face, no emotion shown/Pops beard had grown and he had more meat on his bones/in the past 7 years we both had physically grown/I took my time, I wanted to remember his face/he was fresh as hell, in his open casket Pops always had good taste/meanwhile I poke holes in my belt to keep my pants on my waist/It wasn’t hate it was honesty/I didn’t think it would bother me/cause even though today was his funeral he’s been dead to me/Devin stands next to me/and his tears pour/I wanna be there for him/even though I barely know him/I overhear someone say Devin you will be ok?/and selfishly I feel like I am in the way,/besides Devin I don’t know anyone here anyway/ I no longer want to stay they praying and crying/I see some realizing who I am/Temperatures rising/I slide in a pew and put on my sunglasses/seems like forever but only an hour passes/Devin is like “let’s go to the cemetery/I will pass, he acting like his feelings hurt, as we approach his truck/I explain I don’t want to hurt his feelings but he should respect mine as such/Plus, my bus arrives in a few minutes/Told him I will inbox him and that he can go handle his business/This is where we should depart with a hug and some dap…but he just shrugs, pulls out his keys and showed me his back.
A few weeks passed/I called Devin a couple times but no reply back/that’s fine with me no reason to change up now/same shit round my way but it’s worse now/fired from Burger King so it’s one job now/ and we hurting/ Moms still working but her boss is an aggressive asshole/things you have to do for the cash flow.
I’d been out looking for jobs now I’m back home helping Tank with his homework/Mom comes in from work and checks the mailbox, and there’s a letter from a lawyer/I almost never get mail so this was not expected/you can’t know how surprised I was when I read it/apparently Pops left me a car that the lawyer got/if that’s true he probably left Devin a car lot/hard to believe/and Moms told me to call and see, once my address was confirmed basically the car belonged to me/ all I had to do was sign when it arrived/he assured me it was in good shape, a Malibu 2005/that’ll be super smooth if this ain’t no jive/ Tank works back and forth to school and its getting cold outside/the irony/a deadbeat all my life but in the after- life he provides for me/and as bad as we need a whip/I ain’t even gone trip/but ‘ill believe it when I see it/shit I’m used to disappointment so imagine my excitement when Monday came/ tow truck brought the Chevy and I received the keys once I signed my name/calm down Miles I told myself as my adrenaline raced/ put the key in the ignition and said a prayer just in case/ she started with no problem, officially my first car/ First thing I did was drove to Mom, lunch time was always busy at the restaurant/ I found a spot to wait until she could pull herself away/ I watched her slave/ customers mispronouncing her name/ then I started watching her tips it was petty change/ it’s cool cuz now we got us a whip but we need better days/ Mama got greys in her hair/ shoes scuffed up she need a new pair/ we both got hand me downs but we make sure Tank got new gear/ he’s been fresh all school year/ finally she catches a break and can sit still for a minute/ I tell her about the car all black with rims and the windows tinted/ she brought me back to Earth asking how we gone keep gas in it/ that’s just like Mom always giving out lessons/ she said if you got it off of sin it’s not a blessing/ but I ain’t stressing/ this car gone get me to a second job/I asked if she wanted me to pick her up from work tonight/ but she said she would ride with Mr. Clark and be alright/ have a good night I told her as I kissed her forehead/ she smiled and hoped she’d be home before Tank went to bed/On my way out I bumped into Mr Clark, Wassup old head?/ Only way to not end up old is to end up dead./ We laughed and Mr. Clark gave me a shoulder bump/ him and Mama try to front like they just friends but we know what’s up/ he showed me some things/ plus took Tank to wrestling matches and to skating rinks/ him and mom been dealing with each other since I was 17/ Mr. Clark had one son, Jason/and Jason was into everything, while Mr. Clark was cooking at the restaurant/Jason cooked up for the block and had the game on lock/ the only friend I got/ he took me with him to the gambling spot/ whenever he would win he’d gimme half off top/ whenever we linked up he’d ask if Tank was straight/ he held me down like a paperweight/I couldn’t wait to show him how the tables had turned/ pulled up to his trap house where his paper got earned/ so we dipped and rode, that’s my guy so I let him drive/he had a box Chevy on 26’s but had to admit this was fly/ His phone steady buzz/ he gotta make a few runs/ wouldn’t be the first time I was shotgun/ Now Jason wasn’t rich, wasn’t running through bricks/ he had a few thousand maybe but he ain’t never had six/ ridiculous/ the difference between Wendy’s and pack pushing is just a couple of inches/ So we bent a few corners/ gas was low Jason gave me thirty dollars/ a few more runs and it was time to holla/ straight to do crib to meet Tank when he came home/ and I couldn’t resist taking pics of the whip on my phone/Posted a few pics on my Facebook page, once I put them up/I realized I had never popped the trunk…Devin

I woke up to watch SportsCenter and the cable turned off/ on top of that the connect won’t call back/ it’s all wack/ I done damn near fell off and trying to crawl back/ Done broke these ounces to all packs/ to combine to my small stack/ It’s niggas out here that know they owe Pops/everyone I call gives me a story about what they don’t got/Tough talk won’t work/ I’m reduced to hoping they do the right thing/ less than likely/ Pops was a loose cannon but that ain’t like me/ I’m smooth sailing and avoid confrontations/ and Pops had it so good I never bothered to save what I was making/ And just this fast its taking a toll, the reign is over/ just thankful I don’t owe no money on the Range Rover/ can’t stand being sober/ and I don’t know how to go forward/ try to talk to Pops lawyer but he wants a retainer/ I done got too far in the water/ and no lifeguard to save me/ low on paper and getting low on self- esteem, time to come up with a scheme/ once I come up with a sucker to sell a dream/ I hit the block and got robbed by a fiend/ this the worst dream/More like a nightmare/Pops gone I’m all alone and it’s not fair/ try to find love in the streets but it’s not there/ Back home I sit on the stairs and contemplate /Miles been calling and texting but that can all wait/ miss me with that brother shit I’ts too late/ he too fake, annoying like mosquitos bites and tooth aches/so I sent him to voicemail, he can go to hell/ ‘Im a mutha fuckin monster and he don’t know me… Oh the fuck well…..
Man I opened up that trunk and couldn’t believe my eyes/so I shut it back and sighed/wiped my eyes and gave it another try/ same results I feel my heart pulse racing/ I start pacing, damn near hyper ventilating/ I ain’t know what to do so I hit up Jason/ told him I had a problem and could he come through/ he said he had some runs and to give him an hour or two/ Tank came home I made him take a shower and fix his food/ then I set him up doing homework in the living room/ an hour passed I’m in the window watching the car out back/ low-key shook when police rode past/ and finally he comes/ Jason smoking a blunt/ on the phone with a random chic/ I led him to the car and instructed him to sit/ He had no idea what I was dealing with at all/ so I showed him, you should have seen how quick he hung up the call/ Where did you get this from? From the trunk and there is more in the duffle bag/ Nigga you got a get out of the hood starter pack, all day you rode around with that?
From there it went amazingly fast/Jason showed me everything and I took notes in Drug Class/ 2 friends with 10 bricks and no cash/ but Jason knew every trick from the pot to the bag/ and it took us all night, good thing Mom decided to stay over Mr. Clark’s/ we kept running out of baggies, finally we finished with 75 ounces ready/ $1,500 a pop all profit/ and we split in dead down the middle we partners/ 10 bricks with just a little mix we kept the product proper/ And you know what they say, proper preparation prevents poor performance/ he schooled me on this dirty game with cops crooks and informants/ We both knew this wasn’t meant for me but fuck it, it’s here now/ I ain’t seen Pops in 7 years now/ I know this was for Devin here…but I don’t care/ and neither did Jason/ ain’t no need to be patient/ I went back to work that night like nothing happened/ while Jason hit the block and he was about that action/ We wanted it gone in two months but Jason did it in half of that/ no reason to over price we gave out deal cause it was free to us… imagine that.
So I’m bored and almost broke/ done down graded from the Range Rover to Monte Carlo/ parking lot of the pawn shop ready to pawn Pops Movado/ when I bumps into my homie Johnny Bravo/Bravo offers me $200 to ride with him/ he’s headed outta town to cop some work and need somebody to ride with him/ I get it and I need the bread so I’m G for it/ an hour later we in a Wendy’s parking lot and Bravo got his seat pushed forward/ I’m in the perfect position to be nosey and I’m perched and listening/Some nigga named Jason and I swear that looks like Miles with him/The transaction was quick and we was in and out/and I’ll be damned if Bravo didn’t say Peace to Jason and then to Miles/ Shit is wild/ and I’m figuring it out/ ended up in a rage and now I’m stalking his house/ with a hoodie a hat and shades/ I’m parked in an alley by his house a few houses away…
Jason did not lie/this the 3rd time I’ve seen that Monte Carlo parked outside/ now I’m peeking out the blinds as Jason was outside creeping up the strange Monte Carlo passenger side…
Posted in the alley waiting for opportunity/ couldn’t believe the way my brother and Pops was screwing me/ You had to be blind not to see where this was going/ the reason I’m holding/ a fully loaded pistol in my lap/ this nigga just done took my life and I’m here to get it back/ From the shadows where I’m at I can see his silhouette/ been spying on him for 3 days and he ain’t seen me yet/ but this the 3rd time he done looked out his blinds/ but then again I’m definitely high out my mind/ but then I heard a weapon get cocked right behind me/ heard a pop and then my shoulder disappeared beside me/ another pop and a bright white light appeared to guide me/ blood everywhere, soul and body separate and divide…then it was silence forever when the pops died.-RR Moore

Lady Sen


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